Crazy Front Porch Stuff…

It’s Spring, and it’s Easter week.  But neither of those prepared me for the crazy things that were happening with my front porch this week.  The first incident involved my porch lights.  I have 3 sets of violet outdoor decorative lights that I decided to string on the upper railing on the porch.  I usually do the back deck – all year a different color – but don’t usually do a lot out front.  But since I had them anyway, along with an extra remote for the outlet, I decided to be festive.  I plugged the remote in and attached the lights, twisting florists wire around the railings to keep the lights in place.  This was great for about two weeks, and I was enjoying the soft glow of the purple lights in the evening and in the dark of late night.

Last Saturday I pushed the remote, and only the 3 feet of lights closest to the outlet were lit.  Hmmm.  I studied that for a bit, but it was already too dark to be messing around outside with light sets, so I just turned them on and off every 10 minutes to make sure it wasn’t a fluke.  It wasn’t.  No help for it.  The next day after church I decided I’d just take them down.  It couldn’t be a power surge or all the lights would be out, and there were, after all, three separate sets of light.  I unplugged the remote, put it away, and started unwinding the lights.  I only got about two twists and the end just dropped to the ground.  Half the light string wasn’t connected to the rest of the sets.  I looked closely at the wires, and the strand of three wires had been chewed through.  I had an extra string, so I followed the other half of the lights to the plug, took that apart, and restrung the new set.  There you go.  All lights working and operational!  So I’m thinking that whatever little bugger that was living under my front porch may have a strange glow, so if you see something unusual running around Ft. Allen, don’t be alarmed.  It was just the little guy under my porch that had been munching on lighted wires! 

But if that wasn’t enough, later that evening I looked outside to double check that the lights were ok (they were and still are), and noticed a mess of grass and twigs on my porch directly under the porch light.  I glanced up and noticed that some aggressive robin had decided the porch light was the perfect place to build a  nursery for her upcoming family.  Not on my watch!  I got the broom and knocked the nest down, swept the porch, and cleaned up the light.  A few hours later, there it was again!  So for about 24 hours that aggressive bird and I did battle:  She’d build, I’d destruct. I even sprayed Lysol – but apparently she thought that was a plus!  I finally wrapped the light in aluminum foil but a late afternoon storm blew that into the next county.  But we went three days with no new nest and only a few twigs on the porch so I was content that she’d relocated.  Better neighborhood… 

Alas, when I got home from work today I checked the porch.  It was back, bigger and better and bolder than ever.  Ugh.  This was war.  I put on duck boots, a rain coat, got the broom, dustpan, paper towels, and a trash bag.  I went out there in the pouring rain and knocked that crazy nest down; then I swept up all the twigs and grass and mud, tying the trash bag firmly shut.  I took the paper towels, got them wet, and wiped up the mess.  And it was a mess.  The siding, the light, the floor, even the front door and the planter in the corner.  I put everything away, cleaned up, and went to lock the front door again….  Grrrr.  That CRAZY bird already had several rows of nesting tucked onto the light.  I stomped out the door, cleaned it up again, and then took a clue from a neighbor up the street.

I took a Walmart bag and slipped it over the light, fastening it underneath.  Then I watched.  That robin came with a beak full of muddy twigs and plopped onto the porch railing.  It eyed the light and the bag and hopped around.  It flew at the light then back to the railing, then into the lilac tree beside the porch.  Now it’s not like there aren’t several pieces of prime real estate within hopping distance of the porch.  But I did start to feel bad for the bird, hopping and bouncing from rail to branch to tree and the chair and back.  I stood for over ten minutes, just watching.  Finally the robin dropped the mess out of it’s beak, shook her head a few times, and flew away.  I refuse to let this bird win and am determined to make sure her address is NOT my front porch light!  I’m not sure what will be next in the adventures of my Front Porch –  but I’ll keep you posted.  But if you see a robin flying around with her suitcase and diaper bag, with mud and twigs in her beak, …. cover your porch lights!